Life, Lately.

I think it's been 6,000 days since I last blogged. Okay, not really, but it's been a long time. Update, I made it through the four summer classes while working full-time. I didn't recognize my house or kids at the end of it, but they were able to pull me back. Five classes this semester, three of them literature, and the reading is not working so well. It is hard to get into some of it due to the level of boring they possess.

I got a new phone, and I LURVE it!! It is a Motorola Atrix, it's a touchscreen, and so sweet! A friend said that I will start touching all screens, and this has already come true. Good thing I'm not easily embarrassed. I learned a long time ago to laugh off embarrassment. ;)
 
We went to San Antonio with #2 and #3 in August. It was a long drive, but the girls were really great. We went to Sea World twice, and were able to meet up with a friend and her hubs and beautiful baby girl who live in Houston. Then it was time to start the whole school thing all over again. This year we have a 4th, 6th, and 11th grader. I'm not sure how I feel about this, but it doesn't matter because time waits for no one.

I am excited to report that this is, FINALLY, my last semester before my student teaching can begin. Lurking within me is a fear of that reality. I know that once I get in the classroom things will flow smoothly, and I will have feared for nothing, but it is always the uncertainties in life that wreak havoc on this control freak's life. I am one for absolutes, and when I can't have that, I tend to get a bit worrisome.

Perhaps that is an understatement. ;)

#1 is back home. Things were so super sensitive in that department during the summer. So much said and done that can never be taken back, but ultimately, we love each other. And I'm fairly certain she knows I'd stop the world for her if she ever fell off.

Washing machine broke, sink is stopped up, hamster is missing, and my house is a wreck, but this is called living. You don't just give up when things get a little tough, you keep on.

~Sweet T~

location: unknown

It's been practically a millennium since I've written, but it certainly was not from lack of words! It has been due to lack of time. You know, work, school, kids, sleep (a little), repeat. Summer courses are wiping me out. Thankfully, the end of the summer semester is next week...just in time for Dillard's to (FINALLY!) hire the person needed so that I don't have to work crazy hours. *sigh* Oh well. Better late than never, I suppose.

Spring rains brought storms that landed our HUGE and very shady tree right on our cars, and it just grazed the side of the roof enough to do some damage to the house. The good news, insurance covered my car and the house. The bad news, we only had liability on hubs' car, so we were out the money to either repair it, or get a new vehicle. Have I mentioned the lovely Jeep Patriot yet? I love it! Sure, it was hubs' car that got smashed, but I get the new car because he's just cool like that. :)

After the rains, we dove right into summer, no break. Raining...raining...raining...BOOM! HOT!  And though I adore summer, I am thinking, "really? does it have to be 100 degrees or hotter every single day?" It was so hot that even being in the lake on a boat was miserable. As if it isn't hot enough, we are going to San Antonio for vacation in August. Texas. In August. Yikes! Oh well. It's the only time we can take vacation without interfering with school, so there ya go. It will be fun!

I could say more, but I'm pretty sure blogs are meant to be short, sweet, and to the point. No sense in boring you with my trivialities and nonsensical issues. It would sound a lot like whining anyway.

T :)

Mother's Day...

When I was a little girl, I dreamed of getting married to my Prince Charming, and having two children--one boy and one girl, of course--and living, like Cinderella, happily ever after. At this point in the story, tires screech to a halt, horns honk and the sound of crashing can be heard. What a crock of bull! I am married and do have children, but for some reason God felt it necessary to loan me not one, but three children. But here's the funny part, they are all girls! No boys allowed, apparently. Well, except for the dog, and I suppose a few of the fish must be male. My oldest daughter (#1) is sixteen. I believe she wants me to check in to an insane asylum because she is constantly testing my sanity. The latest stunt, as my mother would call it, has left my heart aching and my mothering skills questioned. She also makes me question my choice to have more than one child. I don't question that choice for too long, because I would never want to have missed out on the joys of being a mommy. It is tough at times, but seeing their smiling faces, hearing their intoxicating laughter, and receiving their hugs and kisses is something I would never trade. As for #1, she thinks 'mom' is another word for Satan. She tells me quite often she hates me, calls me names, tells me that I am unfair and overreacting. Possibly. But as I pointed out to her, it is my job as a mother to protect my children, and I will, no matter what. Even if it means they are forever angry at me.

April showers...

I'm a huge fan of spring and summer, but it has rained so much that I feel like I have been transported to Washington...Forks, to be more specific. Where's my vampire?? :)

I am very very ready for this semester to end. I hate calculus with a passion and if I had half a brain I would not struggle with it as much as I have. On a positive note, I am planning to take it at a different college with a totally new prof so MAYBE it will be the winning ticket. I am so incredibly ready to have my degree and finally be a teacher.

I need to get in shape and drop about 10 pounds. For real. I get mocked about this, but seriously, when the pants are tight and barely zip, if at all, it's time to do something about it. I refuse to buy bigger clothes, so the alternative is to stop bending my elbow and shoveling food in my mouth.

April is coming to an end, and so is this blog.

T :)

I was reflecting on this year, and I have to say that, comparatively speaking, it's been a pretty darn good year. Maybe overall my mood has just been better. Or maybe it is that God has blessed us beyond anything we deserve. It is likely a combination of both, seeing as how I am drugged into happiness now.

Currently, I think I can blame the mood on the weather. I love spring--minus the itchy eyes and burning in my sinuses--for it's warm temperatures and the revival of all things that lay dead during winter. The spring makes me eager for family pictures. Sadly, my baby girl was 2 the last time we had some taken....she is now 9.

I am ready for this school year to end. Not for my children, but for myself. I am so close to finishing my degree, yet so far. It is frustrating for me to think that I am holding my family back financially. If I ever pass calculus, it will be nothing short of a miracle. I am so desperate to pass that I have contemplated hiring someone to take it for me. Absurd idea, I know, but desperation sometimes drives the irrational side of us. 

UGH

Feeling better now than last night. Last night was not great. I never dreamed I would have a child who cusses at me, screams at me, tells me she wishes my plane had crashed, and that she hates me. The purpose of my phoenix tattoo was not to be "tough" or just a random act of rebellion. It has purpose. The phoenix dies and is reborn out of its ashes. It is a representation of what happens to me each and every time I go through trials with my teen daughter. I die each time, then I rise again. It is how I survive. It is the only way I know to survive. People say they don't know how I do it. How I can keep on going, and not be insane or really bitter. I believe it is because God equipped mothers with extra strength. I've often said that I must be Super Woman because I have gone through so much pain.

Depression has been an issue. I have had days when pajamas and my bed were all I wanted. Friends have come to my aid, whether by dragging me out on a walk and talk, or bringing me things they know I like, such as Christmas socks. :) With my depression not really being an issue now, I just have to find other ways to deal with the body slam of emotions. For one, I am thankful for friends that know how to drag me out of the depths of my personal pity parties. Another way to deal is writing. I have always found that writing helps, even if what I write is tossed in the garbage later, never to be read by another soul. And prayer. God gives me so much strength. I learned long ago to never pray for patience. I never do. I always only ask for guidance and peace.

One lesson I have learned is that it doesn't matter what kind of parent you are, your child will be who THEY are. Sometimes they need more of a push in the right direction, other times they just seem to find their own way. I believe wholeheartedly that when you dedicate your child to the Lord, then He will take care of them. I also believe in Proverbs 22:6--"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." That doesn't mean a child won't stray or get off course. If a child is taught of God's love and truths, he or she will never forget. Eventually all who are lost find their way home.  And in that I find peace.