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Tuesday, March 22, 2011

UGH

Feeling better now than last night. Last night was not great. I never dreamed I would have a child who cusses at me, screams at me, tells me she wishes my plane had crashed, and that she hates me. The purpose of my phoenix tattoo was not to be "tough" or just a random act of rebellion. It has purpose. The phoenix dies and is reborn out of its ashes. It is a representation of what happens to me each and every time I go through trials with my teen daughter. I die each time, then I rise again. It is how I survive. It is the only way I know to survive. People say they don't know how I do it. How I can keep on going, and not be insane or really bitter. I believe it is because God equipped mothers with extra strength. I've often said that I must be Super Woman because I have gone through so much pain.

Depression has been an issue. I have had days when pajamas and my bed were all I wanted. Friends have come to my aid, whether by dragging me out on a walk and talk, or bringing me things they know I like, such as Christmas socks. :) With my depression not really being an issue now, I just have to find other ways to deal with the body slam of emotions. For one, I am thankful for friends that know how to drag me out of the depths of my personal pity parties. Another way to deal is writing. I have always found that writing helps, even if what I write is tossed in the garbage later, never to be read by another soul. And prayer. God gives me so much strength. I learned long ago to never pray for patience. I never do. I always only ask for guidance and peace.

One lesson I have learned is that it doesn't matter what kind of parent you are, your child will be who THEY are. Sometimes they need more of a push in the right direction, other times they just seem to find their own way. I believe wholeheartedly that when you dedicate your child to the Lord, then He will take care of them. I also believe in Proverbs 22:6--"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." That doesn't mean a child won't stray or get off course. If a child is taught of God's love and truths, he or she will never forget. Eventually all who are lost find their way home.  And in that I find peace.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Vacation!

Last night we celebrated my father-in-law's birthday. He is 72 (I think!!), but looks at least 10 years younger. I tease and say it is because he's married to a younger woman, but there may be a lot of truth to that! My oldest, henceforth referred to as #1, asked my mom-in-law if she had seen my tattoo. I haven't told MIL about the tattoo at all, because I know how she feels about them. At the same time that #1 asked, MIL changed the subject. I'm pretty sure she heard #1, but is most likely waiting for me to tell her about the tatt. She's like that. She doesn't pry or impose her opinions unless asked. She's a pretty amazing woman.


It is now just 5 days away from my glorious getaway with hubs. To say I am excited is a serious understatement! Hubs and I haven't been away together for more than 24 hours in YEARS. I spoke to Julia yesterday to get some sort of plan worked out as to what we will be doing each day. The only conclusions we came to were meet at the hotel on Friday night, and go to the Statue of Liberty Saturday morning. I would like to say that this is fine with me, but I am a bit of a control freak, so I like to know what each day holds. I don't like last minute things. #1 knows this all too well, as she asks frequently if I will take her somewhere, pick her up from somewhere, or some form of me driving. Don't misunderstand; I love surprises, and I have been known to spontaneously suggest an activity--case in point: deciding on Wednesday to drive to Texas on Friday to see family/get a tattoo--but when it comes to big events, I like to know as many details as possible.

Speaking of spontaneous, we went bowling Friday night. It was a lot of fun, as even #1 stated in her facebook status. One of our former remix students met up with us at the bowling alley. It brought back some memories of our days as remix leaders, and I really would like to plan some sort of reunion. Perhaps a dinner and a movie night, which were always themed. The food we ate matched up with the food in the movie. So fun. I think back to the teens we had in our group, and how much I poured into several of them. I feel cheated sometimes, now that I have a teen, because no one is doing the same for her. Not that I expected it, but rather had HOPED for it. She desperately needs that connection, as she thinks I am lame, or don't understand. I don't understand everything, but I can relate to so much.

Spring Break is next week, and we are ALL looking forward to a little time away from school. The girls and I will be going to the big town of Strong, AR to visit yet another one of my friends. I'm not sure what we'll be doing. This one is in Paula's hands! But a break from the same old stuff will be nice. 

I suppose that is enough of the randomness. Thanks for reading.

T :)

Friday, March 11, 2011

Fun times

I decided to blog. I'm not sure why, but here I go anyway....

My oldest will be 16 this month. I can't believe how quickly we got to this point. She wanted a HUGE party, and by HUGE I mean that she watches the stupid show on MTV. You know the one, My Super Sweet 16. So she had delusions of grandeur. Does she even KNOW me??? So we reached a compromise. And by compromise I mean that I am happy, she is happy, and I don't have to entertain, feed, nor deal with dozens of teens. She wanted Lady Gaga tickets for her birthday (in addition to a HUGE party AND a mini-cooper...HA!!). Somewhere along the way, she realized that she would have to settle for a party or the concert. Maybe it was because that's what I told her. Concert won out. So now the hubs and I are escorting her and her boyfriend to the concert on a school night, which led to another compromise, but that's whatever. Inadvertently, the hubs and I will be attending TWO concerts in one week. Before the Lady Gaga scenario became a reality, I had already purchased tickets to the Kings of Leon concert.  Fun times!!

In one week the hubs and I are going to NYC, and I am beyond excited! We are going to visit my very sweet, beautiful and dear friend Julia. She moved to New York in August, and before she left we concocted a plan to see each other during the holidays and spring break. This is a plan I held on to with a passion because I miss her something fierce. So here we go, just the hubs and I, to the Big Apple for a MUCH needed getaway. There is simply too much to do in the few short days we will be there, but we can sleep on the plane, right? Fun times!!

In other news, the two youngest girls are making it very clear that they, too, would like concert tickets for their birthdays. One will be 11 in June, and she would very much like to attend and Orianthi concert. And the other, kid 3, wants to see one of several of the Disney-star-turned-music-star concerts. Selena Gomez seems like a safe option, but for a time, so did Miley Cyrus. It's hard being a parent, and knowing how much is too much when it comes to limits. Maybe I shelter too much, I don't know. But these are my girls, and I'd give my life for either of them at a moments notice. For this household, boys and the world are the enemies. I suppose it's normal for every parent to want better for their children than what they had. I know I do, and I know I make it happen daily. I don't think I'm a bad person, but I want my girls to be better than me, to excel more than me, and to be more successful than me. After all, someone's gotta take care of me and hubs when we're back in diapers, right? Fun times!!!

So I guess that's all I have to yack about right now. Thanks for enduring my rather long first blog.